Saturday, July 15, 2006

I'm sorry for a long, long, long, long, LONG time of no posts. I'm going to jail tommorow. I'm sure of it. I'm going to trial tommorow for something I did. So here's how it happened. I was in Vegas. I decided to go on the wild side a bit. I left PeggySue at home, with her pet hamster, Cracker. I wrote, but not enough. I had some cosmos, some highballs, you know. I drank a little to much and when I went gambling with the slots machine, and my luck was really shitty, and I found out, apperantly it is considered a felony to attack a slot machine. So, I'm going to court tommorow, in Vegas. Well, wish me luck. I think I'm going to be found guilty. I hate to leave anyone disappointed for my leave of absense. I'm truely sorry. Ta-ta.
-Sean Chicken, 1:56 AM, 7/17/06.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Sorry I've not posted in a while, I had to move out of my cave. Things were getting out of hand with that bitchy mountainlion. I've also stopped with the "Great American Play" because I'm now re-located to Pennyslvania. Here's a picture of my new house:
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I know it has a Halloween thing attached to the door, it was there when I got it. I need to take it down and re-decorate for July 4th, which is today. I only moved in, really two days ago. I've met some interesting people, such as my new neighbor, PeggySue. Here's her house, which I don't know if she's comfortable with my posting online.
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She has red hair, and a severe schizophernia. (pronounced: SKITS-OH-FRAN-EE-UH)
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She's very interesting, but a pleasure to talk to...er...sorta. She was in WWII. I think. Well, she's also a retired astronaut, apparantly. She's also a nudist on Saturdays...so I don't visit her then.
Well, that's all for now, so:
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Friday, June 23, 2006

Hello all. I'm really sorry, as of now I have no leg. It's been an annoying struggling journey here and I wanted to let you all know how I was doing. The Mountain Lion had cubs. She was still hungry and cranky from her pregnancy and bit my leg. She bit it off. It was bleeding like hell I don't know how to explain it. No Police come, because I live in a cave. I'm really hoping to move soon, but I'm still unsure about the clowns. I found a recent article on CNN.com printed from 2002 when it happened.
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Thanks! And goodbye.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Here's the continuation!!

ACT ONE, SCENE THREE--IN JEEVES' BEDCHAMBER.

(Veronica enters, wearing a sluttish maid outfit. Jeeves is sitting in his underwear on his bed)

Veronica: Knock, Knock.

Jeeves: (looks at Veronica) You startled me.

Veronica: I know. (She sits on the bed, and caresses his thigh) So, what's new.

Jeeves: Well, you're stroking my leg in my room at midnight, not to mention while I'm in my underpants.

Veronica: (giggles) What else?

Jeeves: Veronica, (He takes her hand off of him, he stands up) I'm sick of working here. I'm thirty-eight, I've been working here since I was seventeen for Pete's sake, and I don't have anywhere else to go. My life is lacking direction. And I don't need some whoreish maid doing anything else fowl around here. This place has just gotten from bad to worse.

(Veronica stands closer to him, grinding on him).

Veronica: Is it, naughty?

(Jeeves pushes her off of him)

Jeeves: NO! Now stop making stupid sex puns, get a real uniform on, and goddamit do your job for once!

(He puts on his robe, Veronica marches offstage. End of scene).

ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR--MISS GRIEVENCE, PETUNIA AND GUS, MISS ROSELAND'S GARDEN.

Gus: Miss Grievence?

Miss Grievence: Wot is it, now?

Gus: Miss Grievence, I just--

Miss Grievence: Gus, please. You're a friggin' sixteen year 'ow. You've no direction and I don't need your nonsense. I have Miss Roseland to attend to, Gus. I'm her personal assistant. Move.

(She pushes him away, marches offstage. Petunia enters from the opposite side, with a tray)

Petunia: Wot was that about?

Gus: Oh, nothing....

Petunia: You like her, don't you?

Gus: (blushing) Well...

Petunia: I will admit, she has nice features. But she's a bitch.

Gus: I con't help it Petunia, it's just--I--

Petunia: I understand. Look, don't make her a priority. You'll end up like Je--

Gus: Is he, well you know?

Petunia: No. It's just something happened and it's really nothing I'd like to discuss so, I just have to bring up this tray to Miss-- (She starts walking)

Gus: (yelling) Tell me! (He starts to tear) No one tells me anything. I'm just a stupit' sixteen year old. Nothing signifgant.

Petunia: Gus, I have to go. You don't understand...It's not that I don't want to tell you...Miss Roseland, is just very picky with getting her stuff on time. Now, I must get going.

(She walks offstage, Gus walks off, sulking)

ACT ONE, SCENE FIVE--JEEVES' BEDCHAMBER.

(Jeeves is sleeping in his bed, still in his underwear. Gus enters)

Gus: Jeeves?

Jeeves: Wot?

Gus: It's...me...Gus.

Jeeves: I know. What do you want.

Gus: It's just, Jeeves--what happened?

Jeeves: What do you mean?

Gus: Jeeves, I know that something happened. That's why you can't stand to be around women anymore. Something made you go gay.

Jeeves: I'm not gay--I'm just...(sighs) It's just that--okay. (He gets up. He is in his robe. Nothing underneath. It is revealing)
I had a girlfrien'. Her name was Kitty. She worked here. We were going to get married. I was gonna leave, and then...she...she...

Gus: Jeeves, it's okay.

(They both sit down on the bed)

Gus: What did she die of?

Jeeves: She was very, very, sick. She got weaker, and weaker every day...It was just...

Gus: Cancer?

Jeeves: No. Car Crash.

Gus: Oh.

(Beat)

Gus: It's okay to be gay.

Jeeves: Well, it's just I'm--

(Gus rips off his robe. He's nude)

Jeeves: What are you?

Gus: (Buttoning down his shirt) Sh....

(Curtain closes)

Monday, June 12, 2006

hmm. i'm going to attempt to write the great americian play. not the great americian novel, too many people have tried and failed. so here it is.

THE GREAT AMERICAN PLAY.
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by Sean Chicken

_________________________________________________

TIME: June Two-thousand and Six.

PLACE: The mansion of Rose Roseland, London, England.
________________________________________

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE--IN MISS ROSELAND'S GARDEN.

(Petuna enters in her maid outfit, with white gloves on, wondering about the garden)

Petuna: My, what a lovely afternoon...

(Jeeves enters in a rush from the opposite side, in butler outfit)

Petuna: Jeeves--

Jeeves: Oh, Petuna.

(Petuna reaches into her blouse and pulls out a hankie)

Petuna: Wonderful afternoon, isn't it?

Jeeves: Perhaps, where are you headed?

Petuna: To attend to Rose. And you?

Jeeves: To the, um...(he looks at the ground) the cook...

Petuna: You seem tense.

Jeeves: A tad bit.

Petuna: Why so?

Jeeves: For reasons I prefer not to disclose. Good afternoon.

(Jeeves exits. Curtain closes)

ACT ONE, SCENE TWO--IN THE BASEMENT BELOW THE KITCHEN.

(A round table is placed center with four chairs. Marty, Lionel and Gus are all sitting at the table. Veronica is on the table with a two-piece langiere, with cherry pie in her hand. Enter Jeeves)

Jeeves: Gentlemen.

Marty: Jeeves! Where have you been?

Jeeves: I had a delayed run-in with Petunia.

Gus: Well join us. We just finished our poker game and are winding down from it.

Veronica: Winding down...yes..

(Veronica takes off her top and smothers the pie on her body)

Veronica: I hope you like pie breast. Lick it, lick it. Sex me, sex me...(Veronica makes obscene jesters)

Marty: You're nothing more than a prostitute and are bloody ugly. Get out, we need to have a manly chat and no more of your repolsive shanigans!

Gus: Well, I think you have a--

Jeeves: Stay, Veronica.

Veronica: Should I put my top on?

Gus: No, it's fine.

Veronica: Oh, okay.

(She sits down)

Gus: So, who do you think will get Miss Roseland's money?

Jeeves: Not me, that's for damn sure.

Veronica: I think Bobby will get it. After all, he's only thirteen. He has a long life to life.

Marty: Wont do him any good.

Jeeves: No. It won't. Veronica, men...I have other things to attend to. Good-bye.

(Jeeves exits)

Marty: Veronica, I don't think he likes your breasts!

Veronica: Another gay.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Hmm...tonight is the Tony Awards, I see.
Well, here's my...
PHONEY AWARDS!

CATEGORIES:
-PHONEY COUNTRY
-PHONEY PERSON
-PHONEY OBJECT
-PHONEY MOVIE

CANDIDATES:
-COUNTRY
-Canada
-Finland
-England
-PERSON
-Paris Hilton
-Paula Abdul
-Elmo
-OBJECT
-Coffee Pot
-Fluff
-Cough Syrup
-MOVIE
-Brokeback Mountain
-Casper the Friendly Ghost
-Bedknobs and Broomsticks

The winners TBA.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

HOLY FUCK IT'S...
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MARSHMALLOWWWWSSSS!!!!


tHe HiStOrY oF Da MaRsHmAlloW:

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Ancient Egyptians were the first to enjoy a gooey treat now called marshmallow as early as 2000 BC. The treat was considered very special and it was reserved for gods and royalty.

Marshmallow was made from the mallow plant (Athaea officinalis) that grows wild in marshes. The term marshmallow was derived both from the native home of the plant and the plant name. Mallow is native to Asia and Europe and has been naturalized in America. The Egyptians squeezed sap from the mallow plant and mixed it with nuts and honey. However, no one knows what the candy looked like in those times.

The French were introduced to marshmallow in the early to mid-1800s. Owners of small candy stores whipped sap from the mallow root into a fluffy candy mold. This time-consuming process was typically done by hand. Candy stores had a hard time keeping up with the demand. Candy makers started looking for a new process to make marshmallows and found the starch mogul system in the late 1800s. It allowed candy makers to create marshmallow molds made of modified cornstarch. At this same time, candy makers replaced the mallow root with gelatin and this created the marshmallow stable form.

Marshmallows were introduced and popularized in the United States in the early 1900s, after the new manufacturing process was developed.

In 1948, Alex Doumak revolutionized the process for manufacturing marshmallows. He created and patented the extrusion process. This process involves taking the marshmallow ingredients and running it through tubes. Afterwards, ingredients are cut into equal pieces and packaged. In the 1950s, marshmallows became extremely popular in the United States and were used in a variety of food recipes.

Today, Americans are the main consumers of marshmallows. According to experts, Americans buy more than 90 million pounds annually. Marshmallow is considered a year-round snack even though the majority is sold during October and December.

Copied word-for-word from: http://www.candyusa.org/Candy/marshmallows.asp
ANTHONY RAPP-THE "RENT" GOD.

Anthony Rapp-n. An awesome man who originated the role of Mark Cohen in the hit Broadway musical, "Rent." Commonly asc. with "Rent", "Awesome", "Bisexual", or "Queer".

Anthony Rapp is seriously the Rent god. He started when he was a young boy at the age of nine in "Adventures in Babysitting". He made later hits too, such as "Dazed and Confuzed", "Twister", and "Six Degrees of Separation", as well as the stage version.
He is bisexual, but prefers long, emotional relationships with guys. He is an awesome singer and in 1996 made the best decision ever and starred in "Rent", and originated the main role of Mark Cohen, he also did the amazing film version. He has a brother named Adam and a cousin named Rachel. His mom died of cancer and his father had three wives, and his current one I believe is named Sonja. But then again, I'm not sure.

In theatre he did the following shows:
-Oliver! (Played the title role twice, unlike me. I never did. I was an orphan).
-Six Degrees of Separation
-The Little Prince and the Aviator
-Rent (oh hell yesssssssssssss)
-Little Shop of Horrors (on tour, starred as Seymour)
-You're a Good man, Charlie Brown.

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Anthony as "Mark", in "Rent".

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Here's a picture of him and his memoir, "Without You--A memoir of love, loss and the musical, Rent".

Anthony Rapp=the shit.
Okay, there's my two cents. You learn a little and you enjoy! There.
Hello, all. It's been a while hasn't it?

Well, this mountain lion has been eating my bread and drinking my water and had babies on one of my three T-shirts.
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I call her "Natasha". She's really annoying. Half of my right leg is torn because of her, but it's healed and now there's a scar. Living in Afghanistan, there's not one doctor that speaks English.
Here's the neighborhood.
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So, I really am limited. Well, stay tuned for the following posts.
kthxbye.